How The First Helandman of God Was Maid is an anonymous comic poem in Scots preserved in the Bannatyne Manuscript of the sixteenth century. The poem narrates how, following a wager proposed to him by Saint Peter, God creates the first Highlander from a piece of horse manure. The prototype highlander is depicted as a petty thief and a stealer of Lowlanders' cattle. In the Bannatyne Manuscript the poem's full title is given as How the first Helandman of God was maid, Of ane Horss Turd, in Argylle, as is said. The piece is attributed to no author.